tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1639397328057797808.post8320619208070525859..comments2023-11-16T07:16:16.473-08:00Comments on Parenting Children & Teens with Reactive Attachment Disorder: PARENTING CHILDREN & TEENS WITH REACTIVE ATTACHMENT DISORDERUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger29125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1639397328057797808.post-43844087816034364632022-04-15T08:45:24.249-07:002022-04-15T08:45:24.249-07:00Thank you. I actually needed to hear this today. ...Thank you. I actually needed to hear this today. God bless.Unknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14685350307448905271noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1639397328057797808.post-70690990187198066892022-04-14T12:29:21.397-07:002022-04-14T12:29:21.397-07:00I have two adopted daughters with attachment disor...I have two adopted daughters with attachment disorders. When they were growing up, they acquired lists of mental diagnosis and problems. Each was a bit different. The major problems started at puberty. One started using drugs and alcohol. The other had several attempts of suicide. We had financial means. We used the best available rehabs and mental institutions, but what really worked the best was love.Talk to your child a lot. I know, they are hard to open. Make sure she know that you have her back and that you love unconditionally. Remember what your child went through and be empathetic. The best therapist between many we had, was send by the state child services. If you need rehab, be careful that you use one with a best recommendations. For suicidal tendencies Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) was critical. As parents you must be on the same line with your expectations and consequences. Today my girls are working and are successful. I’m so proud of them. I’m not a perfect parent. I made tones of mistakes. <br />None of their mental problems persisted. YOU CAN DO IT. Puberty problems passed in early twenties. Now they are my best supporters. I love my daughters so much.Mommy2https://www.blogger.com/profile/13688383996721067740noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1639397328057797808.post-35422331890036861202022-04-13T21:07:14.967-07:002022-04-13T21:07:14.967-07:00From your experience, what worked for you and what...From your experience, what worked for you and what didn’t. How are they now?Each family member is a piece of a big puzzlehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04494151526503630523noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1639397328057797808.post-88011198405735292952019-02-07T03:54:46.190-08:002019-02-07T03:54:46.190-08:00Cooperative parenting is obviously best when both ...Cooperative parenting is obviously best when both parents are dedicated to working together for the benefit of their children, but it isn't always the case that both parents are willing to do the hard work to put aside their own hurt and anger to work cooperatively as parents. Sometimes years of painful conflict leave us wounded, bitter, and unable to move past our own hurts to focus on the needs of others, even our children. <a href="http://parentingteenagersacademy.com/" rel="nofollow">parenting teens</a><br />MR MADhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11006091473803841039noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1639397328057797808.post-12952128912919820932018-03-25T08:40:14.574-07:002018-03-25T08:40:14.574-07:00This is one of the most comprehensive articles I h...This is one of the most comprehensive articles I have ever seen on the topic. I’m going to re read this over and over as a reminder. Thank you! Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18384157579094676556noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1639397328057797808.post-77694437546447534612018-03-25T07:37:31.080-07:002018-03-25T07:37:31.080-07:00Great, great find. Clear ideas and direction. I do...Great, great find. Clear ideas and direction. I do wish someone would write a bit more description or examples to go with a few of them. Each one could be developed further and include a sample dialog - an e book. Thank you!<br />LBhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15910720504767252146noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1639397328057797808.post-60052348782391312412017-12-14T13:29:55.405-08:002017-12-14T13:29:55.405-08:00I have an adopted daughter who is making my life h...I have an adopted daughter who is making my life hell right now and I am feeling hopeless. Reading his article has given me something to try to put my mind around and to understand.<br /><br />Has anyone had any clear results after using these suggestions?<br /><br />ThanksUnknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14685350307448905271noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1639397328057797808.post-38952566386801274692017-09-18T16:16:39.661-07:002017-09-18T16:16:39.661-07:00I agree. It is a ton of information (that I have b...I agree. It is a ton of information (that I have been desperately seeking for a long time!). I'm going to read this several times until I have it almost memorized! Some of the suggestions I have already"learned" through experience, and it's comforting to know that I'm doing those things right. It's also very useful to know what I'm doing wrong! I want my daughter to have the best future she can possibly have, and I want to know that I did the best job I could. Thank you for the specific instructions!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08272000240518419280noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1639397328057797808.post-77325701906099191462017-06-21T13:40:57.023-07:002017-06-21T13:40:57.023-07:00Best of luck! I know that you would succeed. Love ...Best of luck! I know that you would succeed. Love from mom of two with RAD. One of my daughters already overcame her problems. The second is still working on it.Mommy2https://www.blogger.com/profile/13688383996721067740noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1639397328057797808.post-1946251383481725312017-06-20T22:41:03.673-07:002017-06-20T22:41:03.673-07:00Ms. Sengson, I think here is that age old problems...Ms. Sengson, I think here is that age old problems of semantics, where parents Should but don't always say: it is the BEHAVIOR of the child that is the problem, not that it is the child that is the problem. Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14293770560945040362noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1639397328057797808.post-50160217073411043102017-02-25T10:34:11.704-08:002017-02-25T10:34:11.704-08:00It is amazing and wonderful to hear your side of t...It is amazing and wonderful to hear your side of things. I have a 10 year old son with RAD. Right now he is tearing our family apart. Everyday is so hard. I'm so scared of him. He has hurt me and gives me the scariest looks whenever he can. As it stands my husband walks between us so he can stop the glaring and any violence he might try, but it is starting to hurt our marriage as well. We also have a 10 year old daughter (she is mine from a previous marriage and my boy with RAD is my stepson) who's life is constantly made harder because of this. She is amazing in handling things and has still been doing well in school and even makes sure her brother is ok at school. She shouldn't have to deal with this, but she handles it all so gracefully. I worry she is not able to enjoy her childhood. We all just want things to be better. We want our son to be happy and healthy. We have thought about sending him to a treatment facility, but we don't want him to feel like we have given up on him or abandoned him. Hearing your story really makes me look at it a different way. Maybe it would be the best thing. I hope he will be able to come back to us with the new outlook you have. I wish you all the best. Keep up the amazing self discovery you have been through. Your parents stuck with it because they believe in you and love you. ❤Heidihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05400003852812400218noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1639397328057797808.post-22456112710892799852017-02-07T08:07:01.227-08:002017-02-07T08:07:01.227-08:00all i have to say is i have rads and its hard and ...all i have to say is i have rads and its hard and im just finding out about it. When people started to telling me i have rads i wouldnt believe them i would cry and tell them they are lying now im reaserching it and finding out its true and i sucks. Im 14 now but when i was 12 i was molested and its because i wanted attention anyone and everyone but i was trying to get the wrong attentio right now im in a theraputic group home and im getting better. im in a good home where i get health atention and im learnig how to have a healthy relationship wich is good. im proud to be getting better im more social now and it amazing. i feel great. when i get out of the group home im going to go live with my grandma. i cant wait!!!!! Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13223020301242998429noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1639397328057797808.post-22577942966639232402017-01-21T21:36:06.246-08:002017-01-21T21:36:06.246-08:00I am a teen who has been to treatment twice for re...I am a teen who has been to treatment twice for reactive attachment disorder the first time I went I was 9 and I was there for about two years. I came home and it was good for about a year and then things got bad we were walking on pins and needles my parents ( who are the most amazing and loving human beings in the world who adopted this severely abused kid when she was four and stuck with her when no one else would they went through so much they watched as I would tear up the house scream and break things I would beat up my mom and dad the only people who ever loved me and all this while there other child my younger brother who has autism was standing in the corner shaking because he was terrified of what I was going to do) weren't able to talk to me it was hell so I was hospitalised and then put into another treatment center called four oaks the one in mason city this place took me off all my meds and had me detox so they can get to the core of the problem this bing i have been on meds since I was 4 during this time I learned so much about myself I got on the right meds and I developed a guilty conscience I still to this day cry when i think about the things my parents went through for me the fact that I know in my heart that if i were in there shoes and i had a child like me i could never have done what they have. The second time in treatment worked I have been out for about 3 or 4 years this time coming home was different because we were not afraid of each other we were not afraid of what might happen if one of us got upset with one another we were able to talk to one another about how we were feeling and about how we can fix things. My mother who was the person who got the blunt of my anger and pushing her and I have a very close relationship I tell her everything. There are still times that I get angry and I yell and slam doors and sometimes through things but it is nowhere near where it once was I have not laid a hand on anyone in my family and we are able to work together. The reason why I am telling you this is because I wanted to show you that the only way I got better was because my parents loved me so much and from what I am hearing it kind of seems like you are to the point where you don't love her. I am not judging you by any point but I also think you need to change your tactics. You also talked about the high sexdrive well I have that to and you know what the best thing you can do for her is encourage her to masturbate get her a vibrater so she is not engaging in that risky behavior I to would go on sex chat rooms but now I have learned control and also proper medication helps. I just want you to not give up hopeAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1639397328057797808.post-74643817976622463472016-12-16T03:11:00.104-08:002016-12-16T03:11:00.104-08:00I can understand all of what you said but when you...I can understand all of what you said but when you said at the end "he was the problem".... Im sorry but if I ever heard someone say or type ar state that in any way about me .... And yes I have R.A.D. I would be so pissed.... I understand you are upset but dont ever say that. Most are unable to control it without the proper help, and thank god that I was adopted by two people who cared enough to get me that help. But now im in college and have a job. I talk to my family both adoptive and birth and I appreciate everyone and everything they did for me.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17864211328853527954noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1639397328057797808.post-54969179597450099732016-11-02T06:10:19.334-07:002016-11-02T06:10:19.334-07:00I am the bio-father of a 4 year old with reactive ...I am the bio-father of a 4 year old with reactive attachment disorder, ptsd, developmental delay (gross motor), sleep disorder, articulation disorder as well as neonatal abstinences syndrome. He was born to a methadone addicted mother who cared more about feeding her addiction than caring for her infant baby. He was removed and placed into state custody after 6 months of trauma including being left in a crib while mom went to the clinic for hours at a time(and unknown other horrors). To make a long story short he was placed with me and my family 16 months ago and it has been hell. There are no services anywhere near where we live that are equipped to handle these severe mental illnesses. We had an in home provider report us to C.P.S for keeping him seperated from the other kids who he tormented at any possible time and way. From screaming at the top of his lungs for no reason and urinating his pants to banging his head off the wall and pooping his pants. Hes been potty trained for well over a year. Cps has removed him and every in home service was talking about his behaviors in front of him where he could listen intently and then act on when they would leave all while smirking with this evil grin on his face. So he needs a therapeutic foster environment but is with 2 foster parents who are completely appalled at how we were treating him and now are completely spoiling him and are impartially reporting it to dhhs like he is just this perfect little boy. Making it impossible for me to get him the services he needs. All the while having to defend myself and my family against unwarranted accusations. He was the problem. All i wanted was to give my son a home and get him the services that he would need to be successful in life. Now dhhs wants to crucify us. Any one know of anyone who can help. I have a lawyer and we have a guardian at lietm who are also being heavily persuaded by the reports that dhhs has which basically say that he was scapegoated.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06834507857159503932noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1639397328057797808.post-61832969292322566522016-10-24T05:47:02.256-07:002016-10-24T05:47:02.256-07:00We obtained custody of my stepdaughter right befor...We obtained custody of my stepdaughter right before she turned 5 years old (and right after I gave birth to our first child). We knew nothing about Borderline Personality (the mother), RAD etc. My stepdaughter is now 18 years old and as I am reading this I am realizing that she had RAD (20 out of 30 characteristics on the list) and there was nothing we could have done for her as long as her mother had frequent phone calls and visitations where she was making this child believe that we didn't love her and that she wasn't safe. For all of you who are fighting the good fight and losing a sense of who you even are any more, PLEASE do not feel guilty about letting go and taking care of yourself, your marriage and the other children in the family!! There are places that can help these teenagers (Heartlight in Texas and Compass Rose in Indiana are two that come to mind). Because of the false accusations against us, the fact that we have two younger children to take care of and her abusive nature we are no longer talking with her. We sent her to a boarding school for high school where we visited her frequently and tried to work with her to get her back home. She LOVED the school and her mother became really involved and she shut us out. Her mother can now take care of the issues she has created. We love her and want to help her only every time we took her to a counselor she wouldn't talk at all. Cecehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05576692149308123314noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1639397328057797808.post-84283463972634881802016-10-23T15:47:21.568-07:002016-10-23T15:47:21.568-07:00Another therapy school is Heartlight in Texas... A...Another therapy school is Heartlight in Texas... Also Compass Rose in Indiana...Cecehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05576692149308123314noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1639397328057797808.post-77101216169500131342016-06-23T20:16:39.204-07:002016-06-23T20:16:39.204-07:00I was led to maryland salem children's trust. ...I was led to maryland salem children's trust. See website. There may be similar trauma recovery programs in your area. My 14 year old internationally adopted daughter with RAD and PTSD was admitted. I pay for EMDR therapy because it is very helpful for healing trauma survivors. At the therapeitic group home, She receives group and individual therapy, equine and dog therapy, and is held accountable. It is more than a rewards/consequences approach. There is a school on site too. She has an IEP. In order to afford this program that focuses on helping abuse survivors recover, I had to go to dept. Of social services and declare my daughter "a child in need of assistance."that is how she got medical assistance. It spared me from reffibancibg my home I share her guardianship withfellowship coachhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04427207344228772326noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1639397328057797808.post-54187013998092985932016-05-29T20:24:43.411-07:002016-05-29T20:24:43.411-07:00We ended up sending our teen to job corps. He got ...We ended up sending our teen to job corps. He got to live amongst people like him. He didn't like it, but it has helped a little. If nothing else, our household (without him here) has made great strides in emotional, relational and physical healing. You aren't alone. In the darkest times God can still be near to you. I'll be praying for you!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1639397328057797808.post-35049802813579890332016-05-25T10:08:47.325-07:002016-05-25T10:08:47.325-07:00Where is this located?Where is this located?Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06876261385188394930noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1639397328057797808.post-36335365839750948332016-05-05T00:38:38.779-07:002016-05-05T00:38:38.779-07:00I have a child that is now turning 15. Life has be...I have a child that is now turning 15. Life has been a struggle for me and my family. My first contact with police officers to assist was at the age of 7. This child was diagnosed at age 4 with RAD. I've feel I've lost the battle. Been hospitalized more times than I can count, juvenile detention, running away , using other names! Dealing with the court system as a result of behaviors, paying high priced lawyer's arrested several times for assault and battery against me, holding me against my will,stealing my car so on so forth. The child was placed in foster care from a judge because he wanted her to see consequences and understand her crimes. Foster care was a joke,learning it was not what was helping. I have lived through the traumas she created, yes I understand she has a disability, I always do my very best to remember this as my doors are broken including my bedroom window,destroying our life. The child is hypersexual. I've caught boys in her room, sneaking them in the backyard and blatantly denied what I witnessed as they jump the back wall, stealing my CC making purchases that I didn't authorize, sex chat lines as I slept, meeting men lying about age, prostitution, been held on a legal 2000 possibly 5 times. Education, constant battle, has an IEP and BIP. There's been so much destruction in my life. From day 1 I knew there was a problem, me thinking I've raised another child to her senior of 21 years when the child came into my life. Never did I imagine the gage of what I had at hand, never heard of RAD. Today, I feel I've met wits end, simply do not know how to a parent under these circumstances. Any advice,comments will be taken into consideration... I've given 100%, unfortunately I'm viewing more than I can manage. Yes, there is a support system I created, psychologist, psychiatrist, special education... Again, I look for ideas, solutions as I stated I'm at my wit's end... Sighing off with, this is effecting my physical and emotional health...Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03622995519621070961noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1639397328057797808.post-60124930120395784732016-04-21T00:45:45.246-07:002016-04-21T00:45:45.246-07:00The Family Hope Center (at-home therapy you do, vi...The Family Hope Center (at-home therapy you do, visits only every 6 months); my son (10 w/ RAD) has made incredible gains, and should be healed in the next couple of years.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01922917539366721288noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1639397328057797808.post-57521737430765451172016-02-18T13:11:20.639-08:002016-02-18T13:11:20.639-08:00Thank you for this article. I first read it a year...Thank you for this article. I first read it a year ago and I find I reread it whenever I feel I can't handle my child with RAD. THANK YOUAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17049119603824830919noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1639397328057797808.post-89669361283483740302015-04-25T08:27:40.769-07:002015-04-25T08:27:40.769-07:00I have a teen who just turned 16. We adopted him ...I have a teen who just turned 16. We adopted him two years ago but he has lived with us for 4. I used techniques in a book called When Love is Not Enough by Nancy Thomas for the first couple years. We didn't do exactly as the book said but used the ideas and changed them to fit out child's needs. His behaviors improved greatly. Now that he is a teenager some of the old behaviors have come back and some new ones have begun. I googled reactive attachment disorder in teens (although he has never been formally diagnosed) and came across your site. WOW! Your site explains our teen to a T! I have attempted to create index cards to remind me of ideas for different behaviors. There are almost too many so I am picking and choosing at this point. It would be nice if the site had a quick reference guide that can be printed. I just want to say thank you for all the great information, guidelines and techniques that have been written about on this site. It will be a great help in dealing with our 16 year old. Thank you again!Tracihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17793419644181424184noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1639397328057797808.post-42691710454657228082014-09-23T18:15:30.657-07:002014-09-23T18:15:30.657-07:00Hi Marcy,
I'm a parent of two siblings adopte...Hi Marcy,<br /><br />I'm a parent of two siblings adopted at the age of 7and 8 years old. My younger daughter had a full blow of attachment disorder at the age 14 years old. She was classified as emotionally disturbed before her adoption, but beside creating havoc and chaotic daily lives, she was healthy, very intelligent, good hearted youngster until 14 years old. Then, things started happening as avalanche. Finally, she was diagnosed as having attachment disorder and suddenly everything made sense.<br />Please read "Attaching in adoption" by Deborah Gray. This book provides many techniques and advices. It may be very helpful to your family. I hope so and best of luck,<br /><br />Anna<br /><br />Mommy2https://www.blogger.com/profile/13688383996721067740noreply@blogger.com