Parenting Children & Teens with Reactive Attachment Disorder

What happens when the mother reassigns a different motive to the child's cry and decides not to be responsive? A youngster cries for a reason - not to manipulate his parent, not to be mean, or nasty, or to be a "pain in the neck." When, instead of trying to discern what her youngster needs, a mother simply says - "oh, he's just tired," or "he has to deal with sleeping by himself now" - she has given her baby the idea that expressing his inner-self is wrong or bad. A baby is like someone who is quadriplegic. He can't do very much for himself - but that doesn't mean that he isn't thinking and feeling. When the baby cries and his mother responds, the youngster learns to have trust in the world around him and to have trust in himself. When the baby cries and his mother listens, the two join together in a moment of oneness that transcends the separateness, the aloneness, which the baby knows all too well. If the youngster has not

What doesn't work: 1. Attempting to persuade the RAD youngster to change his mind by presenting “logical, reasonable, or “practical information”. RAD kids are highly unlikely to be influenced by reasonableness. Adult efforts to do so look “stupid” to a RAD youngster an can intensify his lack of feeling safe. 2. Emotional reactivity. RAD kids experience parents' frustration and anger as proof that the youngster is effectively controlling his parents' emotions. This only inflates their grandiose sense of power. 3. Negotiating with a RAD youngster. 4. Rescuing the youngster from the consequences of her behavior and / or attempting to solve the RAD youngster's problems for her. Philosophy— While love and parental common sense are necessary ingredients to successfully parent a youngster with attachment difficulties, they are rarely sufficient. This is due to the fact that most kids with attachment problems are too guarded and too distrustful to rec

How the Attachment Bond Shapes Adult Relationships— You were born pre-programmed to bond with one very significant person—your primary caretaker, probably your mother. Like all babies, you were a bundle of emotions—intensely experiencing fear, anger, sadness, and joy.  The emotional attachment that grew between you and your caretaker was the first interactive relationship of your life, and it depended upon nonverbal communication. The bonding you experienced determined how you would relate to other human beings throughout your life, because it established the foundation for all verbal and nonverbal communication in your future interactions. People who experience confusing, frightening, or broken emotional communications during their infancy often grow into grown-ups who have difficulty understanding their own emotions and the feelings of others. This limits their ability to build or maintain successful interactions. Attachment—the interaction between babies and their primary

Symptoms and Repair of Poor Attachment and Reactive Attachment Disorder— When babies and young kids have a loving caregiver consistently responding to their needs, they build a secure attachment. This lifelong bond affects growth, development, trust and the ability to build relationships. However, severely confusing, frightening and isolating emotional experiences early in life disrupts this bond, creating insecure attachment. In extreme circumstances, this can result in attachment disorders. Problems with attachment limit a youngster’s ability to be emotionally present, flexible and able to communicate in ways that build satisfying and meaningful relationships. The earlier attachment disruptions are caught, the better. However, it is never too late to treat and repair attachment difficulties. With the right tools, and a healthy dose of time, patience and love, attachment repair can and does happen. What is insecure attachment? Attachment is the process of bonding bet

The research in the field of attachment opens up a whole new world for all of us in understanding the problems of parents and kids. Attachment is the emotional connection between any two people. However, life's first attachments are by far the most important, as they set a template for all later relationships. Attachment between young ones and parents evolved naturally eons ago, as the infants and kids who developed a strong need to remain near their moms & dads were the ones who were most likely to survive - both physically and psychologically. Kids who feel the most secure in their early relationships with moms & dads have tremendous advantages in life. They tend to grow up feeling good about themselves and others. They cope well with life's ups and downs, and they have a strong capacity for empathy. These young ones naturally form other healthy, close relationships as they go out into the world. Young ones who have not developed a healthy, secure attachment with mo