Parenting Children & Teens with Reactive Attachment Disorder

As kids with Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) become adolescents, the outward issues change, but the root causes are the same: inability to form intimate reciprocal relationships or to empathize, inability to trust, and lack of conscience. These traits may manifest in varying degrees and forms. Adolescence is a time when even healthy teens are seeking approval of others. The teenager with Reactive Attachment Disorder has a great gaping hole, an intense craving for love and approval, but doesn't believe it can be genuine when it is given.  Relationships are more like contracts: I give you this if you give me that (e.g., a young female will have sex in order to have the status of having a boyfriend, or a young male will be friendly in order to have privileges of sharing another's games). The RAD child may steal from her friends or mom or dad in order to get what she wants. The child will lie in order to keep receiving the benefits of a relationship. These characteristic

How can you know if your RAD teenager needs to be placed in a residential treatment program? Take the self-test below. If your RAD teen has 10 or more of the following symptoms/conditions, then chances are he/she is in serious need of residential treatment for RAD-related issues: 1. "I hate you," attitude 2. "You can't make me," attitude 3. Abrupt Change in Personality 4. Abusive Behavior 5. Academic Problems 6. Alcohol Abuse or Addiction 7. Anxiety 8. Argumentative 9. Attempted or Threats of Suicide 10. Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder 11. Authority Problems 12. Avoidant Behavior 13. Bipolar Disorder 14. Blames Others for His/Her Behavior 15. Blames Others for His/Her Mistakes 16. Blatant Disregard of Rules 17. Can't Accept "No" For an Answer 18. Can't Accept Feedback 19. Can't Keep Friends 20. Clinging Behavior 21. Conduct Disorder 22. Cutting 23. Danger to Self or Others 24. Demonstrates Poor Impulse

Parenting a youngster with Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) is extremely challenging, intense and exhausting, but the rewards are equal to the difficulty of the task. Not all attachment therapists agree on the details of how to parent RAD kids, but most experts agree that “control and limit-setting” should be a primary focus. One thing that many RAD kids have in common is their extreme need to be in control of their environment and of the people in it, especially their moms and dads. When they were young kids in the orphanage or foster care, they didn't have an opportunity to complete the bonding cycle, which is where trust develops. Perhaps the move to their new adoptive home interrupted that cycle, and therefore they don't trust grown-ups to take care of them. In addition, when the grown-ups were in charge, the youngster was abandoned, neglected or possibly hurt. So these very smart kids have figured out that to feel safe, they need to be in control. But this, unfort

Does your child or teenager have Reactive Attachment Disorder? Take this test to find out: 1. Avoids or resists physical closeness and touch   Y/N 2. Bossy with peers   Y/N 3. Cannot be trusted   Y/N 4. Complains frequently    Y/N 5. Cruel to animals   Y/N 6. Destructive to self, others, and property    Y/N 7. Gorges or hoards food    Y/N 8. Has frequent or intense angry outbursts    Y/N 9. Has little or no conscience    Y/N 10. Has poor peer relationships    Y/N 11. Inappropriately demanding and clingy    Y/N 12. Indiscriminately affectionate on parents’ terms    Y/N 13. Is an angry child inside    Y/N 14. Is emotionally phony, hollow or empty   Y/N 15. Is impulsive or hyperactive    Y/N 16. Is manipulative or controlling    Y/N 17. Is oppositional, argumentative, defiant   Y/N 18. Is superficially engaging and charming    Y/N 19. Is unable to cry about something sad    Y/N 20. Lack of eye contact on parental terms    Y/N 21. Lacks cause and effect thinking

Attachment is the deep and lasting connection established between a youngster and caretaker in the first few years of life. It profoundly affects your youngster’s development and his or her ability to express emotions and develop relationships. If you are the parent of a youngster with Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD), you may be physically and emotionally exhausted from trying to connect with your youngster, only to be met with opposition, defiance, or, maybe hardest of all, indifference. A youngster with insecure attachment or RAD doesn’t have the skills necessary to build meaningful relationships. However, with the right tools, and a healthy dose of time, effort, patience, and love, it is possible to treat and repair attachment difficulties.   ==> Parenting Defiant RAD Teens Understanding attachment problems and disorders— Kids with RAD or other attachment problems have difficulty connecting to others and managing their own emotions. This results in a lack of

Lectures, warnings, hollering, bribes, second chances and reminders do NOT work. You are wasting your time and breath. Your youngster knows the rules – he just refuses to obey your rules! Remember – her actions are often automatic responses learned from infancy. Your youngster is in their element when you have lost your control! Natural Consequences: • Broken object – they must replace it with their own money or with chores. • Did not bring homework home – go back and get it or assign your own homework. • Does not want to eat – no problem, they will not starve, but they will sit at the table while the family eats (NO snack before next meal). • Foul mouth, raised voice, rudeness, and back talk – can be rewarded with chores, exercise (jumping jacks, sit ups, running on the spot) or payment to money jar. • Hurt someone – they must apologize and lose privileges (having friends over, watching TV, playing video games, using the telephone, etc.). Most likely, they will